I have an ego: My thoughts on taming it

I’ve had a chance to take a look at myself lately and reflect on who I am, my definition of success, and what’s impeding me achieving success. Amid this, I’ve come upon one thing: my ego.

I think I’ve known for a while I have a big ego, but I was too afraid to admit it.

I spoke to my boyfriend one day, however, and he confirmed what I was thinking. He looked at me in the middle of our conversation and said it plainly, “You think you are better than other people.”

Like anyone who faces the truth of who they really are, it hurt me because I was ashamed that this is who I really am. I felt ashamed that I allowed my head to get big because of what I do or what I believe will come out of success.

I have allowed being a writer, or someone who craves success, to get to my head. I have allowed my ego to hinder my growth because I think I know it all.

This is painful to admit. It truly is, but I need to admit to my faults to grow.

We define ego as a false or inflated identity that we ourselves have constructed based on self-perception.

Ego is all about our image, who we know, outside validation, and the need to feel separate, or better than everyone else.

Our ego says, “Because I have a certain job or a certain degree, I’m better than you.”

Ego tells us, “I’m prettier than she and I deserve this more than her.”

Ego tells us we know it all, or that we don’t need help from anyone.

Our ego will tell us not to help other people because if we do, they will gain success and we will miss out.

Our ego also tells us we don’t have an ego because it leads us to believe we are perfect and flawless.

But no one is perfect.

I think many of us have an ego and this isn’t entirely our fault. Society is set up in a way where we’re asked to define ourselves by what we do, how many friends we have, what grades we get in school, or how much money we attain.

We construct the world in a “them versus us” fashion by placing worth on status.

Social media is also largely to blame because of how much emphasis we put on perfecting our lives for the outside world. We post pictures expecting likes, we post our trips, our wins, our fun party life, etc. All built around “perfection.” This way of thinking feeds our egos.

I’m not saying that you aren’t an amazing person who deserves to give yourself credit for who you are, or what you have achieved. But ego becomes a problem when we base our worth on what we do and when we place ourselves on a pedestal above others.

Ego clouds judgment, it can stop us from improving, it can cause us to compare ourselves to others based on the belief that we are always lacking, and it can cause us to feel miserable by believing that without success or outside validation, we are worthless.

I’m such a work in progress that I won’t lie to you and say that “tomorrow I’m fixed.” But, I plan to listen to others more and understand how my ego is getting in the way. I’ll try to receive the advice of someone who tells me something that I don’t know without becoming defensive. I’ll try to be more of a student because we are never experts at everything.

Learning to control and understand your ego, or even having someone point it out to you, allows you to become a better person because you can see how you’ve inadvertently been blocking your own growth by believing that you know it all. Developing this skill also keeps you humble while you gain success so it doesn’t get to your head.

I don’t know it all, I don’t have it all and I have so much more to learn about life and myself.

We all do.

I have an ego and I plan to tame it.