The truth about why your self-love journey seems so difficult

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Self-love journeys are so prevalent in the media, I think many of us read a few articles, and a few books, and believe that reciting affirmations will somehow fix us. While affirmations and investing in yourself in these ways can work, self-love goes much deeper than this. It can take years for some people to get to a place of self-acceptance with themselves because everyone's story is different.

Some people experience toxic relationships, or perhaps, like me, have difficulty moving past trauma, perfectionism, and self-criticism. Self-love is an everyday intentional effort and begins step by step. It doesn’t happen overnight. However, what matters most is the intention behind these efforts, no matter what your journey looks like. Here are three reasons why your self-love journey seems so difficult.

1. You don't have access to the right resources

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For me, I would say I started my journey to healing when I was 25. I realized that I was in a place where I wanted to understand who I am more and even heal some wounds. In the beginning, I started this journey alone with no help and I just started to tap into my faith and get closer to God. While this definitely has helped me on my journey, I realized that as a black woman who's been diagnosed with major depression, it would be in my best interest to start therapy and so far, this has helped a lot.

If you find that you are struggling a bit on your journey to healing and getting in touch with who you are as a person, therapy may be the tool to help you through some roadblocks and triggers along the way. You can find therapy through sites such as PsychologyToday.com, TherapyforBlackGirls, and AffordableTherapyNetwork ( if you reside in Canada).

Don't allow yourself to struggle alone or in silence when there are resources out there that can be your support and help you to learn to cope with difficult emotions.

2. You aren't consistent in doing the work to heal

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If there's one thing I've learned about healing, is that it takes work and effort. Work such as journalling, therapy, removing people from your life that no longer serve you, taking social media breaks, or not being on it at all, positive self-talk, and getting in tune with your body through activities like exercise and meditation. I sometimes get tired and resent the effort that this takes, but I know in the long run it's helpful for me.

3. You want it to go smoothly.

It would be amazing if we could just snap our fingers, fix our insecurities, boost our confidence, and instantaneously feel like we have it all together. However, you and I both know that life can sometimes bring us down and our self-esteem along with it. Some days we might feel like we’re unstoppable and on others, we might feel like all of our efforts are pointless.

But take it from someone who struggles to feel comfortable in their own skin, if you really want to be the person God created you to be, you’ll fight every day to be this person.

We’ve all felt broken at some point and we’ve spent many moments of our lives feeling like we are inadequate. However, making small efforts to feel empowered can make a huge difference in how you love yourself.

It won’t be an easy journey and it won't happen suddenly, but self-love is possible.